ENDA Episode 138→ The time when ENDA faced stage fright (Part 3)

After surviving my last recital, I thought I was ready for the next step: a longer piece and (why not?) a duet with a singer.

It sounded easier. After all, I wouldn’t be playing the full melody, right? Wrong.

Accompanying a singer means holding the tempo, matching phrasing, and speaking the same language: musical language. It’s not “this part here and that part there,” it’s time signatures, chord sheets, tempo, and interpretation. And here’s the thing: I didn’t know any of that.

Up to that point, I’d learned every piece by memory, with no written notation. It worked when I played alone… but in a group setting? That wasn’t enough.

Especially not for the song we picked: the full version of the 3rd ending from a 2003 anime. Emotional, complex, and beautiful. I could play it solo, but we knew it needed vocals to reach its full potential. So we began rehearsals.

And almost none of them went well.

The issue wasn’t the singer (she was very talented) it was me. I lost tempo, forgot transitions, panicked trying to keep it all in my head while keeping rhythm. It was chaos masked as music.

Eventually, for the sake of the recital, we decided I’d play it alone.

And again, I thought I had conquered my stage fright.

And again… I hadn’t.

Once on stage, I began strong. But halfway through, memory gaps hit hard. I fumbled, skipped, restarted from a later section, and rushed to the finish line. The applause came anyway, but I knew the truth: it wasn’t good enough.

And this time, I understood why:

I didn’t write my music.

I didn’t study the score.

I was relying only on memory and it finally caught up to me.

So I made a decision: no more playing blind.

I’d learn how to notate, how to read chord sheets, and how to truly communicate through music.

That shift would lead me to a song that became a turning point. But that’s for another episode.

The journey continues…